MMA Fighter Jason Ellis "Wife doesn't mind I have sex with men"

May 2024 · 2 minute read

Writing in the Advocate

My experiences with the LGBTQ community have been, up to now, almost exclusively sexual in nature. Hook-up sites. Sex clubs. Group sex with men. I’ve done it all — well, almost all.

I’m a bisexual man and I’m married to a woman I love. I’m lucky enough to be able to have sex with men as well. I find diverse people of all genders sexy and attractive.

But I don’t want my inclusion in the community to be just sexual. I want it to be deeper. I want LGBTQ friends. I want to feel like I’m part of the community. After all, “B” is the third letter listed!

But, I just don’t feel like I’m welcome in the community right now. When men I have sex with find out I’m married to a woman they tell me things like, "it’s just a phase," and "you’ll be gay eventually." They tell me bisexuality doesn’t exist. They tell me what I do and how I define myself don’t exist.

When I see depictions of the LGBTQ community in the media I see all the letters, but I rarely see bisexual men.

I have a tough exterior. I fight MMA. I’m a skateboarder. I’m tattooed from head to toe. But if you get to know me you know I’m a sensitive man. And the rejection of me being a bisexual man by other LGBTQ people hurts.

Bisexual men do exist, but I feel like the community doesn’t believe it. Like most people in the community think the B in LGBTQ just shouldn’t be there, or is a placeholder until I finally tell "the truth."

I find it perplexing. In the last decade we, and indeed society, have come to the understanding, if not the acceptance, that gender is a continuum. So why wouldn’t sexual expression and gender desire be on a parallel continuum?

In 1948, Dr. Alfred Kinsey created The Kinsey Scale, which was his effort to create an understandable way to define human sexual desire. The Kinsey Scale went from zero, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to six, meaning exclusively homosexual. I’m deep in the middle.

We need to recognize that his work was groundbreaking more than 70 years ago. For me, and in truth so many other men, it still makes all kind of sense today.

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